Stabbing incident rocks local community

May 29th, 2008

A local area man was brought up on stabbing charges today, after alarmed neighbors called the police about "sounds of violence" in the adjacent building. Officers arrived on the scene too late to intervene, but found the man in a state of exhaustion, clutching a screwdriver through a glove.

The man did not deny the charges, but upon inquiry, alleged the victim had "evaporated". The police forensic outfit failed to turn up any traces of a struggle.

The case was presumed insoluble until an amateur videotape surfaced, showing the man repeatedly stabbing his refrigerator. The victim is now suspected to have been a large block of ice, alleged to have made "unwelcome advances" toward the man's groceries, according to testimony.

When asked why he didn't simply empty the refrigerator and de-ice, the man stated that course of action could have caused "a diplomatic incident" due to the vast amounts of food products distributed among many owners.

Popular outrage broke out when police officials declined to hold the man. In a press release, the commissioner responded citing "acts of violence committed against elementary particles and their fundamental compounds does not constitute a felony in the greater state of Metropolis". Animal rights groups were soon to renounce the decision, warning that this was setting "a dangerous precedent".

The man was released this afternoon after paying a fine for Indecent Culinary Conduct.

:: random entries in this category ::