Archive for November, 2005

no confrontation

November 5th, 2005

It is said that the Japanese say one thing and think another. They will never embarass each other in public, their form of expression is very polite, regardless of what looms below the surface. While the message is encouraging, the meaning may be reprimanding. I've heard that said about Norwegians as well, they will never criticize you, yet they will fire you if you don't cut it, citing any plausible reason except the truth. And you'll never know, unless you know how it works.

Regardless of how true or false the above stereotypes are, I seem to have adopted some parts of that culture. You can achieve much more with encouragement than a reprimand, in fact I've applied that principle successfully in the little world I created and I can vouch for it. But when it comes to personal matters, I avoid confrontation like the plague. Don't have the stomache for it. I wish the problem would go away and I wouldn't have to face it. It even applies to minor things. If I'm bothered by a small matter, I hesitate to mention it. I guess because if I do, and I declare that it bothers me, I don't know what the response is going to be, it may not necessarily be sympathetic. It is opening oneself to a blow, I don't enjoy vulnerability. I don't enjoy announcing that I'm weak, I know it myself, but I would rather keep that to myself.

Ironically, I've actually encouraged others to do what I don't, let me know if something is bothering them, thought I would understand and I would handle it well. I think in some cases I did, not always. But I don't practice it. It feels like a big step and I'm scared to take it. Finally, bringing up an issue is admitting that it bothers you, and some things seem so small and so insignificant that it embarasses us to admit that we even notice them. And that's not all, if you raise a small issue, you send a signal. I'm bothered by this, small problems are enough to trigger a response. Do it often enough and people will hate you for complaining about every little thing. Not do it and you suffer for lack of courage by not fixing something that maybe you could fix.

Crucially, it scars. Even if I bring it up and I get the response I'm looking for, it doesn't end there. It weighs on the mind for a while, sometimes quite a while. And noone is saying it but both are thinking about it. It's like a red flag, it's an alert. Pay attention for future reference. To what? This was just one thing, how am I supposed to know what else there could be?? It makes no sense. But if I don't take it seriously, I expect similar things to happen and it's gonna be messy, it's gonna escalate.

It's a dilemma.

24h of waste

November 5th, 2005

Just realized that if I were asleep the past 24h I wouldn't have missed anything. Actually that's not quite correct, take out about 2h from that. Still, there's all the potential for this winning streak to continue all through today and maybe tomorrow.

27 questions about nothing

November 4th, 2005

I'm not actually sort on ideas but some of these questions seemed interesting when I read it on Ash's blog (link on the left, help yourself).

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
No. First of all I never meet anyone there, secondly I'm way too lazy to make an effort to go such a short distance. Finally, I think we need to substitute "hot" for "presentable".

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
No, I'm too lazy to fix them up (see a theme forming here?). I don't even know how to, only tried a few times with stuff like color correction, but it didn't make much difference.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks e-mail you?
Not much of a worry, it used to happen when I ran a website, I would introduce their email address to my spam filter.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
No, but I don't tell the whole truth either. :P

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
No, I'm just aggressive.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
Who the hell would do that??

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
I'm not and I probably should be. Too costly to try it, once thought about talking to a priest instead.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I deleted some spam before I realized it's automated and just keeps coming. Fake nice comments, what are we in primary school?

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog
Da fook?

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
Since I have just about one reader, two or three on good days, I don't think it's much of an issue.

11. Do you have a job?
Yes, believe it or not.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Blog full time? Now that's a waste of time and money.

13. Which bloggers do you want to meet in real life?
I read like 2 blogs, so I could meet Ash if it was on the cards, Erik knows me. Probably would meet anyone from Juventuz who comes by here occasionally.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy?

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I don't remember talking about money a lot here. Except for some things being too expensive but we all do that.

16. Does your family read your blog?

17. How old is your blog?
It started in June 2003, been doing it on a regular basis for maybe a year.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
I would be concerned if I did.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
How is one not enough?

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
If I were a politician, I would consider paying someone for NOT writing something.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
What money?

22. Is blogging narcissistic?

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Yes, because posting a blog feels like a small accomplishment believe it or not.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
Who dat iz?

25. Do you have enemies?
Not that I know of.

26. Are you lonely?
Comes and goes.

27. Why bother?
Writing can be fun. Even when it's not fun to read. I also thought I would end up reading old entries but I never have.

head rest from hell

November 3rd, 2005

not recommended for resting: Ryanair

They employ what I like to call the head rest from hell. You know the one I mean, where the seat is usually reasonably comfortable, you lean back to get comfortable, but your head won't go all the way back, it gets stuck on this annoying piece of head rest which sticks way out from the chair itself. WTF?? If you've seen it, you know it only too well. They have them in cars too quite often. What happens is that you lean back in the chair, your back is stretched out vertically, but you can't rest your neck because the f. head rest sticks way out from the chair. Have you tried going to sleep in that position? Do you know what happens when you wake up. In fact, you can't get any sleep at all, it's so uncomfortable. But if you do succeed (like my 20 minutes on a 2h flight), when you wake up, your neck hurts because you can't rest it. I've slept in the car like that as well, for a few hours. Waking up is not pleasant.

I ask you then, is there a good reason we need the head rest from hell? Or do they make us uncomfortable for no reason at all? I see a political party being formed over this.

globe trotting

November 2nd, 2005

It just occured to me that I've never traveled as much in a year as I have in 2005.

January 4 - coming back from Christmas in Poland

February - a week in Salerno, Italy

March 12 - a weekend in Oslo to get my IELTS papers (for those of you who have been on the edge of your seats since March, Jens Stoltenberg is prime minister again following the election a few weeks ago)

July - a week and a half's vacation in Poland

August 17 - three-day grid conference in Oslo

October 17 - three-day grid conference in Linköping, Sweden

November 1 - long weekend in Milano to see Milan-Juventus

December 16 - heading to Poland for Christmas

That's a lot of travelling :eek: Right now I just feel like staying home for six months :D