March 26th, 2006

I was thinking "how can I visualize my emotional condition over the last month or so". My level of happiness is roughly the inverse of that graph. It's so much easier to be happy about simple things, about the status quo, because life is not bad at all. It's when you start looking ahead to something you would like to achieve that the feelings of anxiety, fear and depression hit you. Me anyway. Wanting more is a calculated risk, if I forget all about what more I could do in life, then I'm safe in my environment. If I start wanting, then inevitably I face the fear of failure. And fearing failure can actually be worse than failing itself, because failing immediately puts it in the past, whereas fear is anxiously expecting the future to unfold in your disfavor, it saps your strength.

:: random entries in this category ::

2 Responses to "potential"

  1. erik says:

    Well at least your chart hasn't gone in the negative yet...

  2. ash says:

    Personally I think it's the opposite - happiness is maybe not proportional to that graph, but it's certainly not the inverse of it. The status quo is comfortable yes, but it's so easy to let things become stale and feel trapped by your own lack of will. Moving out of the safety zone can be stressful, but once you let go, particularly of that fear, it gets easier and more rewarding.

    For me depression is a lot about thinking that things will never change for the better, thinking that you don't have control over your life. Proving yourself wrong is all about finding your own potential.