They

• laugh at stupid jokes, accepting a low standard of conversation.
• tell stupid jokes.
• are slow to catch on to things that are being said, and once they do they don't just keep quiet, they say 'oooooh' every two minutes.
• ask you to repeat what you said. Again. (A keen observer would realize that they're not getting this particular point and just let it go.)
• understand about 30% of what you said, but insist on having the remainder explained in every little detail.
• hang on to some little expression you used and when you explain it in different words [to give an equivalent statement], they still make you explain the expression.
• constantly mix languages in a conversation for no reason (because they need/want an expression they often use).
• switch languages in a conversation for no reason.
• make what they think is a witty comment that makes no sense at all to the context and when called on it insist that 'it was a joke, lighten up'. [this one seems to proliferate lately]
• try to make you laugh and when failing accuse you of not having a sense of humor.
• are so loud you can't not hear them in the other room if you try.
• engage you in conversations about the most pointless issues.
• have their own 'signature expressions' that they insist on using in just about every sentence.
• use common expressions, incorrectly.
• completely dominate conversations, even those involving a group of people.

When I was in junior high, we had a class called Music. This was a two year run. First year classical music (a little dry, but mostly fun), second year "the history of rock" (snore). Now I'm not saying this was an important class or a particularly exciting one, it was just a run of the mill "it's in the syllabus so we're doing it" class. The classical music part was appreciated by pretty much only me, whereas year two found greater support in our class, although I thought it was a snoozefest (Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Doors, The Sex Pistols, how fascinating, it's the 90s, jackass!).

Now, I know that sounds like a generic "when I was young" rant, but stay with me here. The point is that we covered a bit of classical music in some detail. Why does this matter? It's a bit like asking "why do we have to learn math, I'm never gonna use this for anything". Until you decide to buy a car, and get a financing plan on that. And the interest is screwing you, because you never learnt to calculate compound interest. Now, math has a lot more applicability than music education. But if you only take one thing from Music, let it be this. It's not called a friggin' "song".

Let's say you're at da mall with dem homies and for a strange, unexplained reason, they're playing classical music in the clothing store, just as you're picking out a suit for your imminent court appearance. Now, aside from looking like a douche for not having a clue what you're talking about, you want to express your dissatisfaction with the music, so you remark to your boy (let's call him Homeboy #1) "yo dis fruity song is wack, yo" (do ghangstaz use commas?). IT'S NOT. "A SONG". !.

Do you hear someone singing? No? Then it's not a song. Let's look it up, shall we?

song  /sɔŋ, sɒŋ/ – noun
1. a short metrical composition intended or adapted for singing, esp. one in rhymed stanzas; a lyric; a ballad.
2. a musical piece adapted for singing or simulating a piece to be sung: Mendelssohn's “Songs without Words.”
3. poetical composition; poetry.
4. the art or act of singing; vocal music.
6. an elaborate vocal signal produced by an animal, as the distinctive sounds produced by certain birds, frogs, etc., in a courtship or territorial display.

Aside from definition number three, which doesn't seem applicable, every single definition is very clear on the singing part. Definition number six is a little far fetched to our context, but even that clearly states that it's a vocal sound. I've left out definition number five for emphasis, as I think it captures this whole thing most clearly and succinctly.

5. something that is sung.

Clear? The reason people call it a song, is

1. They don't know that there is such a thing as music that is "not a song".
2. Or even if they do, they don't know what to call "that".

Let's start with the most hip and least descriptive word: tune. If you don't know what to call it, you can always call it a tune. I can't think of a case where that would be incorrect. For the more demanding customer, there are words like piece, composition, work, and depending on the context, theme. Finally, if you want to appear smart and cultured to people you just met, call it an opus. Beyond the generics, there's a vast nomenclature for works of music specific to the work's form.

Don't be a douche, don't call it "a song". [Can we get t-shirts printed?]

Ugh. Annoying habit. Or isn't it even a habit? I think it's more of a passion. Something people don't do without actively thinking about it every time.

I have a clear recollection of my history teacher back in high school doing it. He was extremely passionate about history, we got the impression he was up at night reading history books. When he described the Bolshevik revolution to us, he did so in astounding detail, how a bunch of guys traveled across town, what they were wearing, what route they took through St. Petersburg. *That* guy used to refer to countries as 'she'. When he did, his eyes lit up a little.

But that's not all, guys say that all the time. Yeah, *guys*. Imagine a woman ogling over a brand new car, "isn't she beautiful?". No, that doesn't happen. It's always guys, as if they're picturing whatever it is they see as a female form that they worship.

Let's set the record straight here. A car is not a she, it doesn't have a gender. It's an it. A country is an it, a plane is an it, a computer is an it, got it? Enough of this stupid wishful personification of things that aren't people.

What the hell? :wth: Is it a sign that they're not ready or beyond ripe or what? By the color I'd say they're a bit raw, but certainly within the reasonable standards. It's rare to pick up a mango that is *just* right. But even if they aren't quite ready, they can be a bit hard and not as tasty, but I've never had a mealy mango before. :lazy:

Why are plastic containers so hard to open? It's almost as if they are meant to be a pain. You know the kind of packaging that potato chips come in? The bag is a rectangle with both ends sealed off. It is a sheet of plastic wrapped around with the edge glued shut. Those bags are pretty thin, but the same packaging style is used to package many other products in thicker plastic. Plastic that is really hard to open by hand. One day I was opening a bag of pasta in one of those and eventually the plastic ripped open and half the pasta poured out on the kitchen counter. Another tough one is the kind of goods that come in plastic shaped after the product. That plastic is 2-3mm thick and without a pair of solid scissors, you can only dream of opening it.

Convenient for the manufacturer apparently, quite a pain for the consumer.