weirded out

April 30th, 2005

I'm writing this because it's been on my mind the last couple of weeks and I can't seem to get it out. The last few months I've been working long days on a big project for school, it's been enjoyable and since I am effectively my own boss, which I enjoy, I've been working my way entirely in terms of setting hours, prioritizing etc. Intermittently, though, I start thinking about this. And I suppose it goes on because I can't seem to reach any conclusion.

I accept what has happened but I can't get over how it did happen. I'm still very serene about it all and it's not a question of it nagging me. But since I am a keen observer of people and take interest in trying to understand them, I can't figure out this one. We had barely kept in touch the last year. Until finally I told you that as far as I'm concerned, this is over. I didn't know what to expect for a response but what I did get surprised me. Nothing. Nothing at all. I assumed you would have something to say, a few last words maybe. But no. Weird. But you can't understand one thing without putting it in perspective. I was unceremoniously dropped, that much is clear. But if that is so, how much is true about the last few months? Did you mean to get rid of me a long time ago? And just wait for an opportunity of some kind? Were you just keeping up appearances, then? How up front were you? Many times I have suspected a cover up of some sort but every time I ultimately said perish the thought, she wouldn't do that. And every time you came up with some explanation that seemed largely plausible. I always wondered if that was just our wires crossed or if there was something more to it.

I guess it's one of those cases of "I thought I knew you".

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3 Responses to "weirded out"

  1. Erik says:

    Perhaps you think too much. Understand that friends come and go, that's life. Some people you will get close to, others you won't and most of the times you will both have a different opinion as to how close you really are.

  2. numerodix says:

    Thanks for the hot tip, Quincy! Since I think too much, I'll just plug out my brain and put it on the shelf. :D

  3. Erik says:

    Bah :D