Alluding to a previous entry, it struck me today while shopping that it would be interesting to survey and find out how exactly I define myself. In terms of nationality, it would have to be a mixed bag, but I wonder just how many I should include to get an accurate result. Then there's the question of allocating points to each one.

Let's start with those of lesser importance.

Dutch: 0.5%
Give it time, I'm new here. In 2 months I've come to realize that I love the country, I will seriously consider staying here after I finish school. But it's a bit soon to feel Dutch at the moment, I can't even say anything in Dutch more advanced than "Ik wil naar Ikea gaan". The culture appeals to me, though, I can't say I've come across anything yet (aside from dealing with institutions, the bureaucracy is very real) that rubs me the wrong way, the people here just seem very normal by my standards.

Italian: 1%
Honestly, to say that I feel Italian would be plain wrong. But I have to make some note of a culture that I've taken to in the last few years. It all started with calcio and Juventus, some 10 years ago. For some reason, it has stayed with me, an interest I never thought would last this long. Over the years I've tried to get involved at a more basic level than reading English translations, I've listened to rai uno, read Italian papers, listened to Italian music etc. I never made a proper effort to learn the language, I'm too lazy for that, I just enjoyed understanding something here and there, gradually getting more of it. Travelling to Italy (5 times in all) made a contribution to that as well, it's a great country to go on vacation, but I don't think I would like to live there.

French: 2%
As much as Italy is an acquired taste, France is practically an in-born one. For some reason or another, I've always had this sympathy for France from when I was a kid. On some level I always wanted to be exposed to the country and the culture. Twice in my childhood I found myself at the Riviera on vacation, that was a fantastic experience for an 8-year-old kid and I'm sure that planted some seeds. In high school I took up French, albeit not very seriously as the standard of teaching a second language in Norwegian schools is pathetic. In three years I didn't quite learn enough to carry on a conversation, despite getting good grades. Most of what I learnt I've forgotten and at this time I can read a fair bit, but that's as far as it goes. It's the closest I've come to a 4th language and over the years I've always thought sometime I would actually learn it. If it turned out that way, I wouldn't be opposed to spending a couple of years of my life in France.

American: 6.5%
Hm, a roar of silence. I was really fascinated by the US of A through many years of my life, for more than a decade. I've never put in more effort toward learning a language than I have to learn English. And although that very fact would not always coincide with Americanism, the whole American influence can be seen in a wider context than just that of being American, for are we not invaded by the culture whether we like it or not? Do I hear you say cultural imperialism? :D Well, in later years I got a little turned off the whole American thing, I became more keen on going to college in Europe (thus I ended up here). But all the same, a sizeable influence on my identity has come from beyond the pond, ranging from tv to stand-up comedy, to music, to movies and so on. Even though I think that source of influence is diminishing these days. And English, a third language to begin with, has become my first.

Polish: 40%
My roots. The only reason I would put Norwegian just a pinch above is that I spent 18 years of my life there and when you're not living in a country, you're bound to get a bit disconnected from what it is, regardless of how much you may try to stay plugged in. Well, I never paid much attention to staying in the loop, trying to keep track of what happens in Poland. I've always just known that regardless of anything else, I am Polish and I always will be, no matter how long I may not go there, I will always know that that's my country. One thing that has been a bit of a turn off is not knowing the "youthful" language. Polish friends were far and few between, so I never learnt to talk like a kid, I don't know the slang, I don't know the "hip" lingo. And in fact, when I do hear it, it sounds really silly and lame to me. Like say, try translating hip-hop lingo into Polish and it sounds incredibly dumb. So as a teenager, I was a bit on the outs. Conversely, Polish as a "serious" language I really like, reading a proper paper or magazine (tabloids obviously don't cut it) is a pleasure, the language is very expressive and powerful.

Norwegian: 45%
Unlike being Polish, being Norwegian was a choice for me. I decided to adopt it, it didn't happen immediately. I haven't always seen eye to eye with Norway and being Norwegian, but beyond my teenage "rebellion", I feel pretty damn comfortable and content about being Norwegian. When people ask me where I'm from, I usually say Norway, simply because most people assume place of residence = nationality. Also because a dual nationality takes some people about 5 minutes to understand and not everyone is interested in that. Other than that, living in Trondheim my relationship with the town has always been a little tense. It is home to me on many levels, but I never really desired to live there and I was always certain that I would move sooner or later. In fact, Oslo is the place I always wanted to live, as long as I stayed in Norway. Through 5 years in Oslo as a kid, I had a great time and I guess I would always consider Oslo as a place to live.

I need a metaphor here, I was hoping to use a movie reference, but I can't think of one that would fit. So I'll describe a movie to you. I could just make it a story but then there are too many bases to cover, so instead I'll play off your intimacy with Hollywood's finest and how they guide the plot into various cliches you can see coming a mile away. Enough rambling, let's get to it.

Jason is a kid with a learning disability. I'm not too happy with the handicap reference, I really have nothing against handicapped people, but if I pick some other angle, I worry I may not be able to swing it. Right, so Jason grew up with other kids who were not disabled, he would always see them learn things much quicker than he could, while he himself would struggle with the most basic things. Fundamental arithmetic, spelling, memorization, that kind of thing. Jason had a couple of loving parents who supported him through everything he did, they were proud of Jason and encouraged him to keep giving his best despite that his results were far below par. Everytime a test appeared on the horizon, Jason would try his darndest, and his parents would hope that maybe this is the time Jason can do well on the test. Everytime Jason failed to even pass the test. His parents consoled him and encouraged him not to give up. "You can do anything if you put your mind to it, Jason." It was tough for Jason to keep failing, it was tough for him to mobilize himself for the next challenge knowing that he had failed so many times before. He managed to forget the past just long enough to take every test, every exam, with an open mind, hoping this would be the time. But as the years went by the disappointments piled up and it took a strong Jason to cope with them. What kept him going was a belief deep inside him that someday he *would* pass that test.

Ok now you know why I don't tell stories, I'm not good at it. Erik writes good fiction, I stay away from it for good reason. When it comes to dating, my life is Jason's. Whenever there is a situation with some potential, I feel like I'm on the verge of taking the decisive penalty at the World Cup. Like this is my chance of a lifetime, this could be my moment. Ridiculous amounts of energy go into thinking about the situation, trying to pick the best possible strategy, I really obsess about it. I illicit sympathy from a lot of friends, all of whom support me and wish me well, for which I'm incredibly grateful. I ask their advice, they help me, advise me, encourage me. Then I step into action, I do my best aaaaaaand fall on my ass. Every. single. time. I have a remarkable, unmatched talent for pushing people away, the very person I'm trying to get close to. It seems that in moments when my brain overheats from intense activity, I am launched into some state of chronic idiocy, which causes me to make an astonishing amount of bad decisions. I have learnt from experience that my mind is not to be trusted in these cases, but I have to keep reminding myself of this, because in the moment I actually think it makes a lot of sense. Then I make a truly daft decision and say something I shouldn't say, which brings me one step closer to fouling out of the game. Eventually, I do, of course, one way or another totally wipe out the possibility that the person in question may still think I am of sound mind. One such day was yesterday.

As I generally pay very little attention to being or appearing to be quote unquote normal, this is the rare exception. I wish I could be normal.

So every language group has a certain type of language errors they are prone to make. Dutch people generally speak terrific English (it's not a myth, it's true), but even here they have a way of making certain mistakes over and over and over. Yeah, I'm too lazy to keep notes and make a list of it, but most striking is the way they misuse make. "make the test", "make the exam", "make the exercises", it's "take the test", "take the exam", "do the exercises". No other error is as widespread as this one, it's like they never realize it.

I am still in my head all the damn time, just that with enough distractions to not have to think about one thing for too long, my thoughts don't converge into any plausible blog entry.

..longer than one sentence, apparently. I hope everyone else is having a better week than me. :lazy:

Imagine this. You've been banging your head against the wall for a month and a half, you're patience is being thoroughly tested. Do you tell the person off and risk never getting on good terms with them or do you keep your mouth shut and keep hoping things might work out?

I won't say anymore for fear of compromising the situation. :lazy: