Windows

Computers are Windows, and Windows are computers.

Running Windows is like being given birth to, how could you possibly exist without it?

Mac

When you use a Mac, just the fact that you own one will make you look savvy, you don't even have to know what all the buttons do. Macs are designed to be really comprehensible to idiots, but they work great for advanced users too, we promise!!

And you get to look down on Windows users in contempt for supporting the evil ogre.

(We sell PCs now, but please do still call them Macs. Just watch our extremely low budget tv commercials.)

We nearly went bankrupt selling "better" computers, now we sell "cooler" computers.

Linux

We are the latest and greatest technology. The two marketing empires pretend like we don't exist, but nothing is more powerful and flexible than Linux.

BSD

If you're happy using the kind of flaky, unstable crap that comes out of a toy store and calls itself Linux, that's fine with us. We believe in stability and longevity.

It's not a BSD if it doesn't have 3 years of uptime.

Also, fuck Linux for thinking they are the only show in town.

Solaris

We used to be proprietary, but now we're open and free. And totally hip too, look we use.. ehm.. gtk.

AIX

Latest release: 2004. That's right, if it's not broken don't fuck with it. What kind of pansy needs make 3.0 anyway?

Gnu Hurd

We just have a few kinks to work out and then we'll be much better than Linux, just wait and see. Stay tuned for our upcoming first release circa 2313. Off the record: it will include Enlightenment 18.