Bij de balie.

- Hallo. Ik was eerder vandaag met de trein gegaan en ik ben vergeten uit te checken. Kunt u dat voor me regelen?

- Wat bedoelt u?

- Ja, ik ging met de trein zonder uit te checken en daarna met de tram en nu ben ik hier bij de balie gekomen om de gemiste uitcheck te regelen, anders ben ik tien euro kwijt, toch?

- U bent al tien euro kwijt.
- Nee nee, die meneer is nog ingecheked, de tram maakt niet uit, bij het inchecken bij ns is het alleen mogelijk om bij ns weer uit te checken.
- O ja, dat is waar. Meneer, u bent nog ingechecked. Gaat u nu verder met reizen?

- Hoe meent u?

- Als u nu gaat reizen dan kunt u uitchecken op uw eindbestemming en dan is het alsof u een lange traject gemaakt heeft. Anders moet u nu uitchecken zonder te reizen en dan bent u zeker tien euro kwijt.
- Zeker weten.

- Ja, om eerlijk te zijn was ik van plan naar Amsterdam te gaan maar ik heb net het bericht gehoord en ik vrees dat dat niet zomaar mogelijk is.

- Dat raden we u af. Met de huidige storingen overal in de land kan dat heel lang duren.
- Precies, ten minste tot zondag.
- Gaat u maar uitchecken, meneer. Tien euro is goedkoop om die hele ellende te vermijden.

Ergens in Den Haag.

- Dit bericht aan de reizigers richting Leiden en Amsterdam. Door een storing rijden er tijdelijk geen treinen naar Leiden toe. We raden u aan een korte omleiding te nemen via Goud...

- Dit bericht aan de reizigers richting Gouda en Utrecht. Door een brand rijden er tijdelijk geen treinen naar Gouda. We raden u aan een korte omleiding te nemen via Rotterdam en Gorinch... Dus geen treinen richting Gorinchem, reist u maar naar Dordrecht, vervolgens Breda, Tilburg, Den Bos... naar Tilburg, Eindhoven, Nijmege... via Eindhoven, Venlo, Nijmegen, Arnhem en dan Ede. Zo komt u in Utrecht. U moet hiervoor enkele minuten toevoegen aan uw reistijd. Prettige reis met de stoptrein!

- Reizigers naar Amsterdam, bent u er nog? Als u nog naar Amsterdam wilt reizen bent u duidelijk gek. Gaat u lekker naar huis in plaats van de hele week in de trein te zitten.

I got started on Italian in 2009 with an intensive 6 months to learn the basics. In the latter part of that period I had started to read my first book, which was really challenging, and took me about 3 months to complete. It was probably the single biggest breakthrough for me in Italian. The second book took 23 days.

A couple of months later I was out of books and ready to order more. As a complete joke I also ordered books by Umberto Eco (from 1980), Niccolò Machiavelli (1513) and Dante Alighieri (1304), thinking "there's no way I'll actually be able to read those". But I was curious as to how hard it would be.

Within 18 months I had read Eco, within 24 I had read Machiavelli and only Dante was left.

He's a tough nut to crack, but I've cracked it. I mostly understand him now linguistically, and I know that with more work I could get almost all the way there. It's not very rewarding reading, because even once you follow the language you still have to understand the countless references to historical persons and other works. And it's poetry (which I don't care for and never read), where every word is far more crucial than in prose. I'm satisfied, I'm not going to be a Dante scholar.

This is good news for us language students. At some point I was starting to doubt whether I could do it. Obviously not that it could be done, but that I could get there with my ability to motivate myself and do it within the limit of things that seem worth doing.

I think it's pretty mind blowing that in 2.5 years you can start from zero and cover the entire 700 year history of a language to be able to read anything in that period. When I compare that to my 3 years of high school French having achieved maybe A2 I feel very silly.

It's a clear demonstration of the difference between thinking for yourself and someone thinking for you. When you study on your own you don't know where to start and you get stuck sometimes. While this doesn't seem like a good thing, it is. Because you learn to overcome these obstacles by the power of your own cognitive skills. You try different approaches, you ask for advice. It's up to you - there is no program you can just follow blindly. And as you learn, you grow.

Some highlights

• August 2009: Inception. Didn't have much faith in this project, but I felt inspired to try after a vacation in Italy/France.
• 2009: Intensive language study with a textbook, doing tons of exercises and working to crack the grammar.
• Early 2010: Took various online tests to measure my level. Tested B2/C1 across the various categories. Progress and expectation on different planets.
• 2010: Made reading my main learning method.
• Summer of 2010: a 3 week tour of southern Italy to many areas where people simply don't speak English. You either speak Italian or you have to rely on hand gestures. No safety net.
• 2011: Wrote an Italian course for beginners exactly the way that I would have wished a course to be. It was huge fun putting this together. It was also a good exercise, because to explain something well you first have to understand it clearly.
• Early 2012: Completed my Italian 20th century reading project. Read 15,000 pages of Italian up to this point.
• Early 2012: Started a writing regimen where I try to post a daily entry. Stats so far:
  - 11 in Italian
  - 4 in Dutch
  - 1 in French
  - 1 in Spanish

A man enters a department store.

- Hello, I'd like to pick up some moisturiser.

- Certainly, what color would you like?

- I umh... sorry, I don't follow. Do you mean what color would I like my skin to be after using it?

- No no no, what color would you like the moisturizer itself to be?

- I guess I haven't given it much thought. I suppose any color will do, as long as it doesn't disturb the color of my skin. I rather like having all my skin be the same color.

- Oh rest assured, it doesn't, perfectly safe to use.

- Great, so can you give it to me?

- Actually that's not how we do things around here. I will give you this order form and you'll have to go pick it up.

- Whereabouts?

- On the fifth floor, take the elevator.

- Great, thanks.

The man exist the elevator.

- Hi, I have this order form, I need to pick up some moisturizer.

- I'm afraid you're on the wrong floor, that's one floor down.

- Isn't this the fifth?

- It's the sixth.

- But I took the elevator and I pressed +5.

- And where did you start off?

- On the ground floor.

- Oh, that's a common mistake. There is no ground floor.

- Okay, the one at street level.

- That's the first floor.

- Isn't it called the ground floor?

- Why would it be? It's the first floor above the ground, so it's the first floor.

- But some people call that the ground floor.

- Look, have you ever counted thermometers?

- Why thermometers?

- Nevermind, just answer the question.

- I have.

- And how many did you have in all?

- Three.

- And which one was the ground thermometer?

- So one floor down?

- One floor down.

The man exits the elevator anew.

- Is this the fifth floor?

- The fourth.

- But but. I was just on the sixth and I pressed -1.

- I guess you must have been on the fifth then.

- But the guy up there told me it was the fifth.

- Maybe he miscounted.

- That's what I said! Anyway, so how do I get to the fifth?

- +1.

- Thanks.

The man exits the elevator on a new floor.

- Is this the fifth floor?

- The sixth.

- What?? But I've been to the sixth already and the guy that was there is not you, this can't be sixth.

- Oh, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. The staff here rotate frequently, he could be on break.

- Okay look, I was just on the fourth and I pressed +1.

- You know, some elevators only run in two floor increments.

- But there's only one elevator.

- It looks that way, but actually there are several.

- But how can that be? They would collide with each other.

- Oh, they don't run on the same line. It's just that you can't tell from inside the elevator, because they built it in such a way as to model the traditional upwards and downwards sensation of movement so people wouldn't freak out.

- But if I pressed +1 shouldn't it go one floor up?

- The number is multiplied by the increment, so if it's one of those that only move in two floor increments, you'd be going 2 up.

- So how do I know what the increment is in the elevator that I'm in?

- Oh, that's a bug. They were supposed to have a panel to display that, but by the time it was built they noticed they forgot it.

- So how can you ever be sure which floor you're on?

- You develop a certain sixth sense when you work here.

- And if you don't work here?

- Well, you can always ask us.

- Okay, so how do I get to the fifth?

- Here's a tip. If you're in the by-two-floors elevator you can just type in -0.5. And if it turns out to be the one that moves in single floor increments, it will round up to -1 anyway.

The man exits the elevator yet again.

- You again! But you're the guy I spoke to originally, the guy who gave me this form!

- Welcome back.

- But I was just on the sixth floor, I typed in -0.5 to get to the fifth to pick up my blasted moisturizer and I come down all the way here!

- That's a simple misunderstanding. You see, some elevators don't work in increments, they work in absolute values.

- So.. wait, if that's the case and I typed in -0.5 then it should round up to -1.

- No, it rounds up to 0. Otherwise it would be rounding down.

- So what floor is this?

- The zeroth.

Avendo vissuto in Norvegia per vent'anni, l'inverno qui in Olanda ovviamente non mi fa una grande impressione. Il clima da queste parti è molto costante, non ci sono grandi balzi. Le maggiori città sono vicino alla costa, quindi al massimo ci sono -5 gradi d'inverno. E la neve non si vede quasi mai.

Però, ogni tanto la neve arriva eccome, cogliendo il paese di sorpresa. Due anni fa di neve non ce n'era, ma proprio nel giorno in cui dovevo mettermi in viaggio ne caddero 30 centimetri in poche ore e così dovettero fermare tutti i treni in partenza da Utrecht per ore, creando una grande confusione. A malapena riuscii ad arrivare in tempo per prendere l'aereo.

Una nevicata così capita una volta all'anno. Il quattro febbraio è accaduto di nuovo. Ero in ufficio ad Amsterdam, essendo arrivatovi la mattina senza alcun impedimento. Poi, nel corso della giornata, ha cominciato improvvisamente a nevicare e il pomeriggio ormai ce n'era tanta di neve da fermare i mezzi. Quando giunsi alla stazione c'erano pochissimi treni in partenza e nessuno diretto al sud. Quindi una fila così per il banco informazioni, ma in questi momenti i poveri impiegati dei servizi ne sanno poco più di noi. "Per ora non ne sappiamo niente." "Ci sono autobus almeno?" "Non lo so." E così via.

Poco dopo arriva un annuncio dall'altoparlante: "il treno internazionale per Bruxelles, con più di un'ora di ritardo, parte tra poco dal binario quindici". Meno male. Ci vollero quasi due ore per i soliti quaranta minuti, ma infine arrivammo all'Aia che mi parve la città più bella al mondo in quel momento.