First things first. The Norwegian music industry has been incredibly lame for a very very long time. Only now is it starting to pick up. But there is a change happening when listening to the morning radio I hear a Norwegian song that I like just about every week. Hell, it used to be once in 2-3 years but now it's actually happening from time to time.

So right now I'm trying Ravi & Dj Løv - E-Ore. I have no clue what to make of that title btw. Anyhow, it just dawned on me why music in Norwegian doesn't work. Flat out, categorically rejected. Most Norwegian artists don't bother with that and go English, go mainstream. Some choose to "embrace their roots" or whatever shit excuse they have. :rolleyes: In any case, you can't sing in Norwegian, it doesn't fit. And I just realized why I will never like any song sung in Norwegian (or Polish for that matter). Because there's no way I can sing along with it. It sounds so corny. Music has to be something special, it's not just the same daily life stuff. English has been granted that status and is a legitimate language for song. But Norwegian lyrics don't sound good, they sound lame. And granted that this lyric by Ravi & Dj Løv is not particularly intellectual, it still applies widely. It has to be English or some language adequate for song.

All the same, there has come a shift, my eyes are now open to Norwegian music, who would have thought. :eek:

There are these people who cope well with sickness. So well that you can't really tell they're sick unless they tell you and as far as you can see, it doesn't set them back at all. They are caring, thoughtful and personable.

I am not one of those people. When I get sick (not talking serious illness here, just your regular cold or flu), I'm in no condition to do anything. I feel sorry for myself, I don't want to talk (not because of bad mood, just because talking takes effort), I'm down, unable to communicate properly cause my mood is tainted and not personable in the least.

The last few weeks I've been working 10 hour days. I have a big project at school and it counts for 60% of my overall grade this term. I'm a little late and so it has been long days in the run-in period. The work I like and that's not a problem. The long hours are a bit tiring but I can handle them. But last Thursday I woke up with pain in my shoulder. So much that walking hurt. Out of the blue, never had it before. So that day I wasn't very productive, Friday it was much better. But although I can still feel my shoulder, over the weekend it has coupled with a nasty cold. Up until this morning my throat hurt but I didn't have a runny nose. Now I do have that too, it's only gotten worse today. Today I left the house at 9.30, stayed home 2 hours for dinner and came back home at 10. But the important work that couldn't wait I got done the past two days, I might see the doctor to get a note tomorrow and apply for an extension on my project. If I lose anymore days I'll be in trouble cause I really can't spare it.

I must have consumed obscene amounts of vitamin c but it's not helping, just stalling a bit.

I'm writing this because it's been on my mind the last couple of weeks and I can't seem to get it out. The last few months I've been working long days on a big project for school, it's been enjoyable and since I am effectively my own boss, which I enjoy, I've been working my way entirely in terms of setting hours, prioritizing etc. Intermittently, though, I start thinking about this. And I suppose it goes on because I can't seem to reach any conclusion.

I accept what has happened but I can't get over how it did happen. I'm still very serene about it all and it's not a question of it nagging me. But since I am a keen observer of people and take interest in trying to understand them, I can't figure out this one. We had barely kept in touch the last year. Until finally I told you that as far as I'm concerned, this is over. I didn't know what to expect for a response but what I did get surprised me. Nothing. Nothing at all. I assumed you would have something to say, a few last words maybe. But no. Weird. But you can't understand one thing without putting it in perspective. I was unceremoniously dropped, that much is clear. But if that is so, how much is true about the last few months? Did you mean to get rid of me a long time ago? And just wait for an opportunity of some kind? Were you just keeping up appearances, then? How up front were you? Many times I have suspected a cover up of some sort but every time I ultimately said perish the thought, she wouldn't do that. And every time you came up with some explanation that seemed largely plausible. I always wondered if that was just our wires crossed or if there was something more to it.

I guess it's one of those cases of "I thought I knew you".

...a webcam. This months' winner of the famous shit-I-thought-about-buying-
but-never-did-and-now-I'm-happy-I-don't-have-that-shit-taking-up-space-
in-my-house-prize.

It's so weird you know.. I mean it doesn't exactly happen overnight, it's not a shock. You see it happening gradually, growing in strength. Then at some point you perceive that it's over. Funny thing - abandonment. But I keep feeling that I'm the victim, like I deserved better or something but is that really true? Or did I f. it up? Seems silly to blame it all on one person, doesn't it? Is it okay to feel bad, to feel hurt? When do you cross the line from fair to selfish? It's so unclear sometimes. Especially if you really want to be good to someone, how far are you supposed to go? Sacrifice in itself is not really a virtue either, it's more like a dedication. It's not selfless, or at least not necessarily. So if you dedicate yourself to it, where do you draw the line? How far can you go without disturbing the balance? How far can you bend over backwards without breaking your back?

I can't plead total ignorance on this either cause I've been on the opposite side of the fence and that's even more bizarre. Does it feel better to drop someone than to be dropped? I can't quite decide. What bothers me most, though, is that I can't control or even understand what happens to me in those moments. Maybe that's why I can't plan anything to save my life, I never can predict what I might do and when. One moment I'm depressed, I don't know why. I keep guessing, trying to make sense of my situation and trying to hunt down the cause. But I never succeed. The next moment I'm completely serene. Almost indifferent, emotionless. Like right now. If I could control it then I think I would be satisfied that I'm in charge of myself. But I never know what's around the corner. When a change occurs, it's never sudden, it's like staring into a door trying to see what's behind it and then someone opens it and you see exactly what is there. From a blurry vision, you achieve focus.

Just delivered my tax papers online. It's a breeze once you know where it is but it's a beotch to navigate that website, why do they hide away the most commonly used function so that it takes me 30 minutes to track it down?? But on the upside, no taxes paid this year wohooo!